Look, it’s Monday, February 9th, and I am already spiritually drained. But we have to talk about General Hospital because this Thursday, February 12th,

is the moment we’ve all been waiting for—and frankly, I’m terrified. Maxie Jones is finally waking up. She’s been in that coma for what feels like an eternity.

But here is the kicker: she’s waking up to a Port Charles where a man with the face of Nathan West is walking around looking like a snack in a plaid shirt.

If Maxie opens her eyes and sees her “dead” husband, she is going to lose it. And honestly, so are we.

Is It Really Nathan?

The facts are suspicious. This guy looks like Nathan (thank you, Ryan Paevey, for returning!), but he has zero memory of the last seven years. The internet theories are wild, but two are keeping me up at night:

• The Clone Theory: We’re talking about a show with a weather machine and Casey the Alien. With Cesar Faison as Nathan’s father, a clone isn’t off the table. If this “Nathan” is a Faison experiment, it explains why Britt Westbourne is currently being held hostage in a lab by Ross Cullum and Jen Sidwell. Is Britt being forced to “debug” her own brother? That is peak GH mess.

• The Peter August Nightmare: I hate even typing this. What if it’s Peter August in a Mission: Impossible style mask? We’ve seen Peter survive everything. If he’s back to reclaim Maxie by wearing her dead husband’s face, I am throwing my TV out the window. It would explain the taunting of Anna Devane, but it is purely twisted.

The Lulu Factor

Then there’s the Lulu Spencer problem. Alexa Havins is crushing it, but that kiss? The kiss. I saw the sparks, but that is your best friend’s husband! Fans are arguing that if he’s a clone, the “bro code” doesn’t apply, but the fallout will be nuclear. Imagine Maxie waking up, only to find out her “miracle husband” was playing tonsil hockey with her best friend while she was under. Their friendship will be decimated.

The Spixie Hope

This is why I’m leaning toward Spixie. Spinelli has been the rock, the dad, and the ride-or-die. If Maxie pivots to this mystery Nathan and breaks Spinelli’s heart, I don’t think I can handle seeing the Jackal cry again. Spinelli is a genius; he’ll figure out the truth before anyone else does.

Predictions for Thursday

On February 12th, I bet Maxie doesn’t react with joy. She’ll look at him and ask, “Who are you?” If the woman who knows Nathan’s soul rejects him, the game is up. Meanwhile, Anna Devane is in France, and everyone thinks she’s having a breakdown. But Anna doesn’t have breaks; she solves mysteries. If she thinks Faison is involved, he probably is.

Buckle up. Whether you’re a “Knaxi” shipper or a Spixie loyalist, Thursday is going to be a bumpy ride. If this Nathan starts speaking with a German accent or calling people “Heinrich,” I’m done. (Okay, I’m lying—I’ll just be complaining on Twitter while I watch).